Have you ever stumbled over too many “he said” and “she said” in your story?
One of the followers of my blog apparently encountered that problem, so he’s trying to cut down the number of dialogue tags by replacing it with character actions. But what’s the correct way to do that?
Let’s step back and take a look at what dialogue tags and action beats are.
What are dialogue tags?
Dialogue tags, also called “speaker attributions,” serve to let readers know who’s speaking. Usually, you should use said because tags like muttered, quipped, grumbled, etc., are distracting and pull the reader’s attention away from the dialogue itself.
Example:
“This looks weird,” Anna said.
What are action beats?
Action beats, also called action tags, are an alternative way to identify the speaker. These are sentences that describe the action of the character who’s talking.
Example:
“This looks weird.” Anna pushed her glasses up her nose and squinted at the text.
What’s the advantage of using action beats?
While dialogue tags give no additional information other than letting us know who’s talking, action tags also have other functions:
- Breaking up long passages of dialogue.
- Creating a picture of setting and actions in the reader’s mind.
- Giving information about the character and her emotions, especially when her actions contradict her words.
Example:
“I’m fine.” Jorie dragged trembling fingers through her midnight black hair.
- Action beats help pace the conversation by creating pauses.
- Action tags can make the use of adverbs unnecessary. They are “showing” where an adverb would be “telling.”
What are the do’s and don’ts of using action beats?
Here are a few tips on how to use action beats and dialogue tags:
- Alternate dialogue tags, action beats, and untagged lines of dialogue.
- Most often, action beats should be used instead of a tag, not in addition to it.
Example:
Incorrect: “You just need to sign,” she said, handing Lisa the contract.
Correct: “You just need to sign.” She handed Lisa the contract.
- Don’t use so many beats that it interrupts the flow of the dialogue. As long as it’s obvious who’s speaking, we don’t need a tag or a beat. But if you have more than two characters present, the need for beats and tags increases.
- Try not to use boring or repetitive actions. Don’t have your characters nod, smile, or sigh all the time. Be creative.
- Use a period, not a comma between the dialogue and an action beat. If you want to know more about how to punctuate dialogue and action beats, check out my earlier blog post.
Example:
Incorrect: “You’re hilarious,” Lisa laughed.
Correct: “You’re hilarious.” Lisa laughed.
Here’s an example from True Nature, one of the paranormal romances I wrote under my pen name, Jae.
“Two,” Rue said.
“One,” Kelsey said at the same time.
When Rue and the desk clerk stared at her, Kelsey lowered her gaze, her ears burning. “I didn’t mean… I just thought…”
“You thought I would try to sneak out to continue the search and just leave you here,” Rue said.
Kelsey ducked her head, but she couldn’t deny it.
“I wouldn’t do that.” Rue kept eye contact, but Kelsey couldn’t tell if the blue eyes hid anything or not. “But if it would make you feel better, we can share a room.”
Swallowing, Kelsey nodded. While it might make Rue feel as if Kelsey didn’t trust her, she couldn’t take the risk of being left behind.
Rue received the room key from the desk clerk and started up the creaky stairs. “Come on,” she said over her shoulder. “We can be like Thelma and Louise, sharing a room on our road trip.”
“Um…” Kelsey paused, then hurried after her. She wasn’t a big fan of human movies, but she’d heard of this one. “Isn’t that the movie where they die in the end?”
For the first time since leaving Clearfield, Rue laughed. “All right. Maybe not the best of comparisons.” She unlocked the door, stepped into their room, and sat on one of the beds, bouncing to test the mattress. Then her brow furrowed, and she reached beneath herself. “Look at that. A little welcoming present from the management.” She held up a condom and a handful of breath mints. “How romantic.”
Belatedly, Kelsey remembered that the motel was renting out rooms by the hour too. She rubbed her neck as if it would force down her blush. “Oh. You think he thought…?” She gestured in the direction of the lobby.
“That you insisted on renting just one room because you’re trying to have your wicked way with me.” Rue waggled her eyebrows.
If you have any other questions about action beats and dialogue tags, please leave a comment.
14 Responses
I just got around to reading this- thank you so much for putting in the time! You’re amazing and this is awesome
Glad you find it helpful! Happy writing.
Hi Sandra! I’ve found your info on punctuating dialogue and action beats really helpful but I’m stumped on which camp this particular sentence falls into:
“She cannot have him,” Mother hissed, pacing a deeper trench in the sand, bare feet numb to the waves of ocean cold.
To me “Mother hissed” is equivalent to “she said” in my meaning, but since it’s an adverb I’m not sure if it qualifies as an action beat and should have a period, or a comma?
Thanks!
Hi, Jocelind. Thanks for reading the post.
“Hissed” is a verb, not an adverb. In your sentence, you’re using it as a dialogue tag. Some editors don’t like “hissed” being used as a dialogue tag, but if you do it sparingly, I’d say it’s okay.
Here’s the difference between using a verb as a dialogue tag vs. using it as an action beat: If you use “hissed” as a dialogue tag, it describes the way the person speaks. If you use “hissed” as an action beat, it’s a separate action, something the character does after speaking.
If you indeed want to use “hissed” as a dialogue tag, here’s how to punctuate it:
“She cannot have him,” Mother hissed, pacing a deeper trench in the sand, bare feet numb to the waves of ocean cold.
Thank you, Sandra! Most helpful!
I’m glad you found my explanation helpful. Happy writing!
Hi! So when I am using an action tag and am writing another character’s response to the dialogue, do I start another paragraph and indent or do I keep it in the same paragraph and just start a new sentence?
For example:
“I think we are probably far enough now, let’s find some shelter and we can send word to Audrey and Jake. Sound good?” Luke had a worried look in his eyes. I wasn’t really sure why he asked me, he made all the decisions.
Also if you have any other changes you think I should make that would be much appreciated! Thanks.
Assuming that Luke is the person speaking, I’d paragraph it like this (with corrected punctuation):
“I think we are probably far enough now. Let’s find some shelter, and we can send word to Audrey and Jake. Sound good?” Luke had a worried look in his eyes.
I wasn’t really sure why he asked me; he made all the decisions.
That keeps the description of Luke and his dialogue in one paragraph while starting a new paragraph for the internalization of the POV character.
For a stronger voice, you could use a direct question for the internalization. For example:
Why the hell was he asking me? He made all the decisions anyway.
If you need tips on how to dive more deeply into point of view, check out my book:
https://sandragerth.com/point-of-view/
Very helpful, thank you! To capture the interest of the readers and draw them further into a novel, authors use various literary devices such as narrative hooks and plot twists.
Please read my blog on The Art of Writing Action Scenes in a Novel
Write a dialogue make use of narrative beats a conversation between a student and a teacher
how do i know when an action beat following a line of dialogue is “right”? how do i know when it’s “wrong”? is it strictly up to the writer? how can i tell if it’s going to read false to a majority of readers? i know certain people can read a beat and then dialogue (or dialogue then beat) and feel that it seems like an odd reaction or follow-up to a thing someone said, or false or inconsistent thing to say which follows a beat of action.
*is* there a right or wrong with respect to this? could it perhaps come down to the genre and its conventions? could i write something of magical realism/fabulism where, in a more “realistic” scenario, an action beat might ring completely false, or even just random, but in MR/fabulism – all bets are off?
sorry for the barrage of questions. hope this makes sense!
It depends a little on the genre and your pacing. For example, if you have a fast-paced dialogue scene with snappy back-and-forth, you don’t want to interrupt every single line of dialogue with a lengthy action beat or description. I’d suggest taking a look at some of the successful books in your genre and analyse the balance between dialogue, action beats, and other descriptions. That should give you a good idea of what readers expect in your genre.
Is there any particular reason to use an action beat before, inside of, after, or separate from the quoted dialogue. Other than maybe variety, does placement change how the reader reacts to the dialogue?
Sometimes, logic dictates a certain order, for example, when the action naturally happens before the dialogue. For example:
He stuck his head around the doorjamb and grinned at her. “Do I smell coffee?”
When you put the action beat first, the advantage is that readers will know who’s speaking before the line of dialogue.
Other times, you might want to place the action beat in between two lines of dialogue to create a pause that indicates a character thinking or hesitating.
And as you already stated, switching around the placement of the action beat creates variety.