Before I explain what the problem with participial phrases is, let me start with some definitions so we’re all on the same page.
Participles are verbs that function as adjectives, which means that they modify a noun or a pronoun.
There are two kinds of participles:
A participial phrase is a phrase containing a past or a present participle.
Exhausted after twenty hours of work, he collapsed as soon as he got home.
Floating in the pool, she looked up at the blue sky.
You’ve probably heard of dangling participles, but participles can create other problems in fiction too. Let’s take a look at the major issues.
Participle constructions can result in what’s called a dangling participle. That happens when the noun (or pronoun) the participle phrase should modify isn’t actually in the sentence. As a result, the participle is left dangling and ends up modifying the wrong subject.
Slipping into bed, Maggie was still on Anna’s mind.
The participial phrase modifies Maggie; however, it’s Anna, not Maggie, who’s slipping into bed.
Slipping into bed, Anna still thought of Maggie.
When Anna slipped into bed, Maggie was still on her mind.
Another common source for dangling participles are body parts.
Sucking in a breath, Susan’s eyes snapped open.
It’s Susan—not her eyes—who’s sucking in a breath.
Susan sucked in a breath. Her eyes snapped open.
One important thing you should understand about participle phrases is that they always indicate simultaneity. The action in the participial phrase and the action in the main clause happen at the same time.
If you use a participial phrase for sequential or consecutive actions—actions that happen one after the other—you’re creating a sentence that is physically impossible.
Unlocking the door, she went straight to bed.
She unlocks the door first and then goes to bed, so we can’t use a participle construction in this sentence.
She unlocked the door and went straight to bed.
After she had unlocked the door, she went straight to bed.
Incorrectly used participles are common with dialogue tags.
“Don’t tempt me,” she said, laughing.
Since she can’t talk and laugh at the same time, you should rewrite the sentence.
“Don’t tempt me.” She laughed.
Some editors declare participial phrases the mark of an amateur and advise authors to never, ever use them. I find that a bit extreme. But it’s definitely true that overusing participial phrases is a bad habit for many new writers. Some authors even begin every other sentence with a participle in an attempt to vary sentence construction.
The problem is that too many participles create a monotonous rhythm that readers will notice—at least unconsciously. They’ll be ripped from the story for a moment while they think about the pattern of your sentences.
That’s why most editors advise writers to use participial phrases sparingly. Theresa Stevens of Edittorrent, for example, suggests keeping it around one usage per five to ten pages. That, of course, is just a rule of thumb, but it’s a good reminder to find better ways to vary sentence structure.
When we read, we always pay more attention to the main clause while we consider subordinate clauses to be less important. If you put an interesting action into a participial phrase, you’re essentially burying it and making it appear less important than it actually is.
So, to create more engaging prose, make sure you put important ideas into main clauses, not participial phrases.
Participial phrases can come at the beginning, the middle, or the end of a sentence. Most often, separate them from the main clause with a comma. Here’s how to correctly punctuate sentences with participial phrases:
Hoping for a treat, the dog fetched the ball.
The dog, hoping for a treat, fetched the ball.
The dog fetched the ball, hoping for a treat.
If you wouldn’t use a comma with this last example, you’d basically say that it’s the ball—not the dog—that is hoping for a treat.
There are two exceptions when you don’t use a comma:
Sarah often saw the dog fetching the ball.
The dog fetching the ball was mine.
So, take a look at the participial phrases in your manuscript. Make sure you…
Created by Krystel Contreras & Jorge Courbis